Dark Jokes

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.
“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Why can’t orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Atlanta Zoo.

What did Kermit the frog say at his puppeteer’s funeral? Nothing

Dad Jokes

Cheesy, cornball jokes that dads love to tell. These easy to catch, punny jokes are usually timeless and seem to make their way into all of pulp culture. Movies, television, memes, and even YouTube videos aren’t safe from dad humor.

How do you make a tissue dance?
Put a little boogie in it.

What’s the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth-hurty.

How does Moses make tea?
He brews it.

What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render

I know a few jokes in sign language…
I guarantee no one has ever heard them before.

My wife ordered one of those new heavy blankets off Amazon, but delivery took forever.
She said it was worth the weight.

I just saw my wife trip and drop of bunch of clothes she had just ironed.
I watched it all unfold.

I had a book fall on my head today.
I only have myself to blame.